click - short story

There is nothing else for me to do. Life has lost all meaning. As I sit here, eyes clenched tight with the barrel of a Desert Eagle 5.0 pressed firmly against my right temple, my mind starts to drift. Brief and intense images of the past few days flash behind my eyelids like the trailer of an awful horror movie. No. No time for that. I have to focus on the task at hand, I tell myself in the recesses of my mind. I have to focus! But it is too late. That brief moment of reminiscing has broken my concentration. I open my eyes again and lower the gun down to my lap. Hmm, thunder. I wonder how long it has been raining. My knees are starting to hurt. I must have been kneeling here for hours. The room dimly lit. The furniture, a beige, neutral color. A highly derivative modern art piece hangs on the wall. I wonder if the hotel got a discount when they bought enough of that mass produced art to fill the building. Pity, the manager is going to have a hell of a time removing these stains. These words trigger another flashback. Stains. I left quite a mess in just the past few days. Is there any way that I could…No, I tell myself. What’s done’s been done and now I am fixing it the only way I know how. I have to make it all stop. I tighten my grip on the warm handle of the gun as I look down at it and smirk. The hari-kari for today’s man. It’s the coward’s way out of a coward’s way out. In my defense, I couldn’t quite find the Hattori Hanzo I wanted on Ebay. This gun will have to do. Instant. Painless. All for the low low price of $1300 on the black market. Funny. Thinking about it now I wonder if would even have the courage to impale myself with a sword had I had one. Compared to the past few days it couldn’t be any worse. It’s cold I think to myself as I press the steel against my right temple. My knees are throbbing with pain. No matter. It will all be over soon. I close my eyes to the world once more. For some reason, the seventh grade flashes before my eyes. Frankenstein. I never understood it but it’s all so clear now. I’m the monster now. I’m the one throwing myself into a fire. Only no one will hear my story. No one will know the truth of what happened. Only speculations. Wrongful speculations. No one will pity me. I will be remembered as a monster. At least..at least I’ll be free. At least I’ll be at peace. God have mercy. Funny. I haven’t asked anything of God in years. My finger tugs on the trigger, fighting against it as if it refuses to let me die. It gives way as I hear that familiar clicking noise. Then a bang. Not quite as loud as I thought it would be. I collapse onto the floor as a sea of red washes over my sight. Not quite what I was expecting. There she is. I can see her. She looks so beautiful. I..I hope she can forgive me.